TRADING VOLUME ON THE NYSE OFFICIALLY DECLARED ENDANGERED SPECIES

At the current volume decline rate, the NYSE may be closed before Easter


As Volume dries up, traders are using their work hours to do Tai Chi or play iPad Solitaire. Trader Patrick Slacker told us that "last week we decided to buy and sell our own underwear just to keep the trading instincts working. Unfortunately I did some naked shorts and was caught with my pants down on that trade".

Experts are not sure of why Volume is disappearing from the stock market, but it may be connected with the bees? die off. A Senior Zoologist & Market Analyst at Pol-Len Inc. says that "trading volume started to disappear at just about the same time the bees starting dying. We suspect that the bees were behind most of the bidding".

With the bees out of the market, it?s only a matter of time before the market as a whole goes from a trading jungle, to a Volume desert. Traders have started to adjust to the new scenario by calling Wall Street "The Dune", and replacing the expression "bull market" by "camel bazaar". At the current volume decline rate, the NYSE may be closed before Easter and the PPT will have to buy and sell to itself under the counter.

Trading volume at the NYSE is now officially an endangered species, and conservation measures like forcing people to buy stocks may be required. But even that may not work, as most people would probably just buy Apple shares anyway.

Trying to keep up with the new Volume desertification trend, some brokerage firms have started hiring Scorpio traders. It?s a Sign of times...

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