GOLDMAN SACHS PLUNGES AFTER ONE BOARD MEMBER ADMITS HE?S HUMAN

Goldman Sachs fell 1.25% on Friday as investors looked for havens in more merciless companies.According to Jack Thorhammer, a Wall Street analyst specialized in financials, "Goldman?s success was built on binary code, by hiring merciless robots able to squeeze cents from banana peels".

Thorhammer added that "investors worry that there could be more humans on the board. Goldman may literally be hiding more skeletons in the closet".

Mary Bull, from Bull, Bull & Bull Associates, thinks that this plunge represents a good buying opportunity: "Oh yeah, oh boy, we are super excited about Goldman! We have a price target of $567 by June, if not before".

COULD THERE BE MORE HUMANS ON GOLDMAN?

Goldman Sachs denied our request for an interview, alleging that all its senior executives were undergoing routine maintenance. According to Patricia Von Geek, founder of Geek Industries and a senior partner at So Smart & So Alone Inc, "it?s highly unlikely that there are more humans working in senior positions at Goldman Sachs.

The security cameras never showed anyone from the board going to toilet or eating anything. But they do drink a lot: anti-freeze is very popular on the top floor".

www.financialpaparazzi.com