Breaking news : Millions of weapons across the USA are being recalled for failing to kill people . This shocking announcement came in the wake of a study that found the vast majority of weapons weren't killing people which is of course their designed purpose . Weapon manufacturers say they are stunned that their product is not working . The recall includes flame throwers, anti-tank rockets, grenades, recoilless rifles, automatic weapons, armour piercing rounds, machine guns, mortars, sniper rifles, land mines and hand guns and any other weapons guaranteed by the constitution .

NRA spokesman has been quoted as saying "If cars can be recalled for failing by killing people than surely our phallic symbols can be recalled for failing by NOT killing people" . Of course if you own a weapon that has killed someone you are exempt and are asked to register your notice not to advantage yourself of the recall by visiting your local Police station .

Gun shop owners report being overwhelmed with paperwork . A Police spokesman had no comment but privately Police admit to being "overjoyed" that at long last something is being done for the benefit of people's rights .