Out of desperation, I "Googled" this: "faith healers and stocks" and came across a new help: here's hoping...

Dear Reverend <John Doe>:

Through Pay Pal, I am sending you $19.95 to pray over my stock symbol "q," whch goes up and down in the $8.75 to $9 range--I need for it to break through its 52 week high of $9.22...Can you help?

With kindest regards,
Z

My Dear Z:

Thank you for the email and your love offering. I have added Quest's stock symbol to the "cemetery." During trading hours, I raise dead stock. FYI, when this occurs, normally, the stock holder sends another love offering of 10% of the amount earned, because, obviously, my service is prayer intensive.

Can I have a witness,
Reverend <John Doe>
The Church of Wall Street

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler -- Albert Einstein