Gettin’ Old, This Adventure Called 'Life' Continues, However…………..

So, here I am, on the wrong side of sixty, weird things growing, wiry hairs, warts, splotches, weird indefinable patches, moles the size of, well……moles, and that’s just on my hind end!
I’ve got good hearing, but only in one ear. But that works to my advantage when things like sleep inhibiting events pose a problem, what with all the snoring, and deep REM flatulence. I just put the good ear to the pillow. So, never really have to confront the wife about her little, shall we say, issues. She does, however, become a tad peeved when I ask her to repeat what she said after a lengthy one rips into full vibrato….just kidding (some).
Vision is going south. Reading glasses are strategically laid throughout the house, cars, tackle boxes, and shop……and the oval office.
It’s not a serious issue just yet, but need to demonstrate more patience when trying to get the neighbor’s hibachi to fetch.
However, this also works well for me, as, for the longest time, I’ve fixated on the oddest things while in deep conversation with individuals. It’s quite a distraction for me to see a wafer like flake flitting in and out of a nasal passage while the talker breathes. It’s just as distracting to observe a saliva lip string twanging away, affixed from upper to lower lip as the talker jabbers away. The intriguing thing with this phenomenon is it is usually intermittent. The micro bungee can completely disappear for several syllables, then mysteriously re-appear in full regalia, taut then loose, there it is, now it’s gone, back again, sproinging from that hangy thing in the center of most upper lips.
I’m sure I’ve missed a ton of important discussion content because of these fixations.
Now, with limited vision, if I so choose, it’s all a blur and I can mentally focus on the subject at hand.

So, it seems the older one gets, not only does one become a bit learned, but crafty….it’s survival.
The tricky part is when attempting to do things one did a few decades before.
Astute judgment must be employed here, no matter what ego size. Actually, speaking of size, when these urges arise, you should immediately jump in your car, drive to the nearest emergi-center, and have the size of your prostate checked.
Hopefully the desire to perform acts of yore will fully abate by the time you get unattached from the doctor’s forefinger.

I set up the grandkids slip-n-slide a couple summers ago.
Man, could they scoot.
However, when mass (somewhere between 180 to….say….. 247 lbs) meets wet plastic (at any angle, no matter how low to the ground you think you are) at the blazing speed of around 7.2 mph, I discovered that the friction of contact has much more holding power than yield. Seems water displacement is immediate, and actually enables one’s heels to make rare contact with the back of one’s head.
And……when a large area of glutinous hide does manage to slide several millimeters, the waterless friction gives one’s skin a healthy ruddy glow, lasting several days.
I did, however, find success in the ’slip’ part, at least with one foot, as my 2nd attempt, at a much greater velocity of 7.4 mph propelled one leg forward, extending my nether regions into a never before accomplished split.
Strangely, and simultaneously, I heard an eerily high pitched, ear splitting noise coming from some wild hyena-like animal quite nearby….my larynx being the exact location.
I was up and about in a matter of weeks.

Wow, you're in really good shape! Wait til you you get older....
Bruce

Crimoney.... well.... that explains it....... Oregon.... http://countryplans.com/smf/Smileys/...th_Hammer3.gif

Gary, I'm from Oregon too. I thought you were talking about me.

You can take the boy out of Oregon, but you can't take the Oregon out of the boy. http://countryplans.com/smf/Smileys/default/th_bath.gif

BTW, Gary, Do you ever have to cut the hair growing out of your ears just so you can get your ear plugs in deep enough to shut out the noise of loud machinery? ... http://countryplans.com/smf/Smileys/..._88007-490.gif

What is it about Oregonians?
I can spot ?em anywhere in the world??.found one at 100 yds in mainland China.
Raining, shorts, T-shirt, a bit rusty on the arms?.

Ear hair? Quit fightin? those about 5 yrs ago.
Plan is to back comb ?em.
Machinery is no longer loud?.just a bit of vibration.
Never could hold a pencil top my ears?..tried?..envy those than can.
So, guess they?re just hair holders now??
Got some white noise that sounds like the ocean on certain days.
That?s kinda soothing.
Truth, my left ear is still pretty good.
Right one is deader?n a post.
I call it driver?s ear?.wife denies (at least I think that?s what she was sayin?)
Truth, several boxes of rounds thru a 30/30 in my teens has to have done the trick