http://static3.comicvine.com/uploads...9239-the_l.jpgSeeing as we generally stretch and turn a bit before standing up and exiting the theatre after the film ends, I wasn't surprised to see my father got up from his seat about a second after the screen went black. The first thing I heard was "1 hour and 50 minutes of torture."
I'm inclined to agree.
I didn't expect to be challenged with The Legend of Tarzan. Or blown away. I went into it expecting a film that provides me an experience where I can leave my brain at the door, and watch an enjoyable, if shallow, action flick. The Legend of Tarzan couldn't provide that.
This film isn't certainly the worst movie of the year: Gods of Egypt probably holds that honour. But it is the worst movie I've seen this year. Because I found no fun to be had in this movie. I found myself second guessing the movie 10 minutes in, found myself slouching in my chair 30 minutes in, and I'd considered getting some shut eye about half way through.
The Legend of Tarzan is intent on taking itself with a dour seriousness and throw a self aware tone out of the window. God forbid we have fun with a guy who runs around in his shorts swinging on vines. I mean... nothing exciting about that premise, right?
I'll be the first person to say that a movie can be dark AND fun. The Dark Knight pulled that off. There is barely a bone of excitement in this film - everything is drab, copy and paste. You've seen it before.
OK. You want to reinvent the mythology in a modern light. Fair enough. As a fan of stories, I admire if a storyteller wants to ask philosophical questions with an infallible character. This movie did not. It is dour for the sake of being dour. There is no fun to latch onto, and no philosophical themes, equating to a hollow and dumb experience.
My brother called it early in the film: "I can promise you Jane will be a damsel in distress." The rest is history.
...
Some of the most awkward comic relief is present in this film. Christoph Waltz has been zapped of all his talent. I don't get why he's doing this. He wins two oscars, and instead of expanding on his career since then, he latches onto produces that rob him of all his talent. His character in here is practically a better version of his role in Spectre, which isn't saying much. It's not a BAD performance, just tragic to see him play such an average role considering all of his talent. He is comedic for no reason.
Alexander Skarsg?rd as Tarzan is a non entity. He is a walking hero trope with zero personality traits to inhibit his body. Samuel L. Jackson's George Washington Williams sounded like Jules on an M / PG-13 rating (depending on which part of the world you live in).